(Bihar Times) The great American author, cartoonist and celebrated wit,  James Thurber wrote “ "If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that  certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons."  
    How lucky for God if he had to simply get animals into his  heaven and not human beings with their rage and malice and greed. It’s the kind  of heaven I dream about – breezes scented with jasmine and champa, wading pools  with brightly coloured fish and cool pebbles, the noise of the ocean in the  distance, lots of animals , lions and tigers and little chicks , soft grass ,  millions of books that appear and disappear when you read them so they don’t  have to be dusted, orchards of easily reachable fruit, mangoes and mangosteens,  music that ranges from temple bells to jazz with a huge dose of Enya whose song  Only Time is my favourite, holograms of people who behave with love and  intelligence but disappear when I want them to ! I am barefooted and longhaired  and skirted. 
    Back to my desk and office, alas. But seriously , if dogs  were to ask God some questions what would they ask ? Here are some samples 
    When we get to heaven, can we sit on your sofa..Or is it  still the same old story? 
    Will you give us whole toasts for breakfasts or is it always  going to be soggy leftover corners 
  We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand  signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scents, electromagnetic energy  fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand? 
    Will you cut my vocal cords if I bark in heaven ? Or put an  electronic collar that gives me a shock when I bark ? 
    Why do humans think I bark just to be a nuisance when I am  actually trying to give them information they need? 
    Why do I get the same food every day when my humans get to  eat different things ? 
    Why did my humans cut my tail and my ears ? If they wanted a  smaller dog , why didn’t they just get one ?  
    
    Is chocolate allowed in heaven or do we just get to smell it  ? 
    
    Why do humans force me to have children and then give them  away ? 
    
  Why do I get thrown out when humans have a baby? Am I not  their child as well? Didn’t they take me forcibly from my own parents when I  was a baby and adopt me ? 
    
    We love old and sick people whom we comfort and put up with  despite their smells, so when we get sick or old, why do we get ignored and  even thrown out?  
    
    Why don't our birthdays get celebrated ? 
    
    Can I dig up your garden ? 
    
    Are we going to be tied up every time you have guests ? 
    
    Where do you go on vacation and will you take me along?  
    
    Do you have indoor games for bored dogs? 
    
  Sick kids are never sent to the doctor alone or with a  driver or guard so how come when I’m sick I'm sent off with them when they hate  me?  
    
    How come vets don't keep treats and toys, the way  paediatricians do? 
    
    Can you please explain to humans that every bark, bite, lick  and look does not spread rabies? . 
    
  I hope you don't have any kids around here who think it's  okay to pull  my ears and jump on my  back? 
    
  Are all your parks open to us to run and play in the fresh  air? We hate leashes  and chokechains and  cemented pavements . 
    
    Sweets are fattening and constipating so how come people  still get to have them while I'm not allowed any?  
    
    Do you have any machines I can press and get my own biscuits  when I want them ? 
    
  You won’t pick me up by my front legs or cradle me upside  down , will you ? 
    
    I hope I don't have to indulge your taste for silly games  like fetch and throw?  
    
  If they’re not going to take me to parties or introduce me  to visitors, why make me learn to shake hands especially when I don't insist  that humans should rub noses or smell my bottom when we meet? 
    
    When we get to heaven do we have to do that stupid sit up  and beg to get in ? 
    
    Are you going to lock me in when you go out ? 
    
  Do you change my water twice a day ? I really hate spit  filled smelly water and I don’t want to drink from a potty  
    
  Can I have my own bed? I don’t like carpets and cold floors  or driveways  
    
    Do I have to whine and stare at you to walk me when you come  home or will you do it on your own ? 
    
    Can I sit in your lap when I hear thunderous noises that  frighten me ? 
    
  Can I kiss you when I want to without you wiping your face  and pushing me away  ?  
    
  How come I give humans all my time and love and they give me  their spare time, space they can spare and leftover love  ? 
    
    How come I get sold in markets ? Can I buy a human in one of  your petshops ?  
    
  You won’t sterilize me or take my testicles away in the name  of love, will you ? 
    
“ 'Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains  unawakened'  Wake up all of you. 
  To join the animal welfare movement contact gandhim@nic.in 
  
   
  
  
  
  
  
 
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