The phone rings. Someone is sobbing on the other end. “I can’t go on,” the voice says, “Why was I born like this? I feel like killing myself”. The caller, a male aged about 20, has been at the receiving end of unwelcome attention from the ‘real men’ within his college circle.

For the counsellors at AASRA Charitable Trust, the issue is not a new one, nor is the phone call particularly unique. Every month, the organisation, which works on male sexuality and gender distress issues, receives two or three calls from feminised males who undergo trauma because they are physically and psychologically ‘different’ from others.

There are many men, young and old who in their very early years have known that they are different. They are more gentle, peace-loving, enjoy the creative arts and cooking, and are more at home with what patriarchal society calls ‘women’s work’. They also love dressing up and colours, and when they come of age, they find themselves – often against their will – attracted to other men.

Some try their best to camouflage their innermost desires and to ‘conform’ to the demands of feudal Bihari society. They might even try to take up physical exercise, pretend to enjoy contact sports, and when the parents decide to get them married, virtually circle the nuptial fire like lambs to the slaughter.

Others, mainly from the working classes, prefer to drop out of the patriarchal system to become kothi, wearing feminine clothes and applying make up and lipstick. These may one day take the extreme step of castration to become Hijra. In parts of North Bihar we have the tradition of the dancing boy or launda. These wear women’s clothes for dancing during the wedding entertainment in villages. This entertainment is primarily for the male members of the wedding party, visitors to the bride’s village and consists of suggestive dances and ribald songs. The western equivalent would be akin to the bachelor’s night, where the classic myth of a stripper jumping out of a cake has been reinforced by Hollywood movies. The difference is, that in most of the conservative cow-belt, lower caste boys cross-dress for pay because the rural women aren’t allowed to hold jobs or to even come out of their houses!

The inevitable outcome of this all-male night entertainment which evidently has liquor flowing is that the dancing boy is faced with a choice: earn an extra bonus for providing sexual release for the men or get raped. Either way, these low caste boys, regarded as less than men because of their feminine antics, and as slaves of the higher castes due to tradition join the ranks of the most vulnerable of all sex workers.

AASRA, through its HIV/AIDS intervention for men who have sex with men, provides counselling to those in gender distress – and these males are from all classes of society: college students, young professionals, factory workers, dancers, unemployed youth.

“Sexual Orientation is not a choice. Neither is it a mental disease or a psychological disorder. Those in gender related distress are traumatised, their self esteem damaged, and they are made to see themselves as bad, defective, or perverted. Such young males, and even older males are subjected to untold physical, sexual and mental abuse by members of their family, other males, and shady psychologists who use obsolete and questionable ‘shock treatment’ to ‘cure’ them,” says Birendra Kumar, the Assistant Co-ordinator of the Project.

An AASRA volunteer plays a male sex worker in a drama

The AASRA intervention is directed towards helping the clients regain self esteem, allowing them to search for themselves an identity, provide them with information about STD, HIV in an endeavour to affect behaviour change, and to make condoms available to them to stop the spread of infection and AIDS. That is why, it has developed a series of street plays that highlight the plight of the femenised males, and male sex workers. One such performance was held at St. Xavier’s School on May 19, when AASRA Charitable Trust observed the International AIDS Candlelight Memorial Day.

Kali Hijra at the 20th International AIDS Candlelight Memorial.

The local press, which widely covered the event, chose to ignore the fact that Kali Hijra, a transgender [Hijra] Patna Municipal corporation ward member inaugurated the function, and that for the first time in the city plays and dances were performed that showed the connection between HIV, consensual male sex and male sex work.

“The first attitude of civil society is one of denial. Yet every rickshaw puller and daily labourer in Patna knows where he can find a male to satisfy his need when he wants. It is a fact that a large number of these men are married and many have children. They may be shoe-shine boys, massage boys, barbers, laundas, other labourers, college boys, even older men who wait in the shadows,” says Manoj, a volunteer with AASRA and outreach worker.

And most of these people do not know about AIDS, or even if they do assume that you can only get AIDS from loose women, thanks to most of the NGOs and the Local State AIDS Society not wanting to recognise that same sex behaviour even exists.

In the meanwhile, the burden of reaching out to an invisible population of males who prefer males, which has been estimated as over 15,000 in the Bihar capital alone has been shouldered by this community based organisation through its peer outreach programmes, which started reaching out in a small way back in 1997.

A committed band of some 15 young people – all AASRA volunteers -- take turns in disseminating AIDS related information, and helping others to have HIV testing done. They also prepare low cost communication and street plays. Any male is free to drop in at the Centre at Rajiv Nagar between 5 and 8 pm from Thursday to Saturday for gender and HIV related information. Sunday and Saturday open-house sessions have the director answering questions on sexuality, sexual health and related information.

The AASRA house is a friendly, non-judgemental space where kothi, panthi, transgender, and questioning individuals can meet and feel at ease. Sunday is particularly devoted to issues around sexuality minorities and their rights.

Pics copyright: Frank Krishner